Do you truly listen when you ask someone how they’re doing? Many years ago I encountered a coworker in the hallway and, out of habit, asked how they were doing. You know, the nod and “Good morning! How are you?” Usually we hear or say, “Fine,” or “Alright,” and “How ’bout you?” Well the coworker threw me for a loop and answered with, “Not that great, actually.”
Had I continued in my greeting habit I would’ve just kept on walking because I would’ve assumed the typical positive response. Instead, thankfully, I heard what she said, stopped what I was doing, and asked her about it. Several days later she came back to me and thanked me for listening to her. She said she had answered the way she did because she assumed I’d just keep on walking—in reality, it turns out she felt better after shedding some of her burden and I was actually able to help her set some of it right. If she hadn’t answered honestly, not only would we not have made a personal connection, but she would’ve continued struggling with that particular problem.
Ever since then, when I ask someone how they’re doing, I’m prepared to listen for their answer, whether it’s good or bad. And, I’m sure to the surprise and consternation of some friends and coworkers, I also answer honestly when I’m asked. This goes beyond understanding that not everyone is having a good day every day. When I ask how you’re doing today, my goal is to show you that you’re important enough to warrant more than a passing nod. I’ll listen if you have need of someone to listen to you. I’ll let you go on your way, too, if you so choose. There’s no shame in you or me admitting to having a bad day or having problems. And there’s absolutely no shame in sharing those problems if someone opens that door.
I have also realized that asking “how are you doing” with the expectation of an honest and acknowledged answer is only half the value. If I don’t answer you honestly, I’m assuming you don’t truly care about how my day is going or how I’m feeling. And when it comes down to it, even for something as mundane as a greeting, I want to speak my own truth—if I don’t, who will?
So try it—speak honestly. Speak your truth, even when you might assume it doesn’t count.
